Not this time
by Ruthyroo
Summary: After months of being together Brendan leaves Ste when there relationship was at its best. Ste tries to move on but will brendan let him?
1. Chapter 1

**_chapter one_  
**

**Ste's point of view **

A holiday, getting away was just what I needed after breaking up with Brendan, again, which seemed like the hundredth time.

I always fell for his promises but this time he seemed more genuine than any other, he begged for me back with tears running down his face, what was I to do? I wanted him; I always have wanted him; even when things were bad between us that want for him never left me.

But now, here I am; without him, questioning myself; what had I done wrong? What had I done to make him leave this time? When things got tough or didn't go exactly how he planned, he took off, left me all alone. The thing was, I didn't understand why, we were getting on so well, brilliant infact; I can honestly say things have never been so good, that's what I thought anyway so finding a note on my pillow one morning saying

"I'm sorry Stephen, I can't do this"

Shocked me to the core.

That note was left nearly three weeks ago, and we haven't spoken since. We'd been pretty much inseparable up until that point. We had different lives in the day but in the evenings we were always together and most of the time he was staying with me at the flat.

It felt odd being on my own again after months of spending all my spare time with him, so after three weeks of feeling depressed, moping around, unable to get back into a normal routine; I decided to take Amy's advice and book a last minute holiday, I could always afford it now I was my own boss.

I did feel sorry for Doug though, I hadn't been much use to him although he understood, maybe Doug could come with me, we did have good staff after all.

It was odd that although Brendan and I lived in the same village we never bumped into eachother, but then maybe that was for the best. I hadn't called him and he hadn't called me, I pretty much just stayed in the flat; Doug had seen him a few times and just said that he was his normal cocky self. I really wanted to go to him and ask him why, but what good would it do? We'd fight, we'd make up and have sex; but it would still be the same afterwards.

Doug had agreed to coming on holiday, we would have a laff together, Amy was going to help run Carter and Hay so things were okay as far as work was concerned.

We leave tomorrow, Magaluf here we come!

**Brendan's point of view**

I have to stay away from him, it's the only way that I'm ever going to get over him, I can't do the whole relationship thing, I thought I could but I can't. I'm not being fair to him; I left him again, knowing that it would completely break him. If it was just us it would be fine but other people put pressure on us and I just can't handle it.

I don't know why I ever thought it would work out, I should have known I would let him down again, that's all I've ever done. How many times have I promised him I'll change?

The sad thing is, I do want him, I do. But every time things go really well between us, I freak out; why? I don't know. Stephen liked to plan things, talk about the future, like moving in together, getting married; it just seemed to be moving too fast for me, that's all. Even Chez was asking me if there was going to be a gay wedding.

I just felt like I had to give more than I was ready to, so being the selfish man I was; I left him. It had been three weeks since I walked away from the only person I'd ever loved, was I having regrets? Of course I was. I loved him, more than anything; I just found it hard showing him, why didn't I talk to him? He would have tried to help; maybe I could have just gone to visit my kids for a break, done some thinking.

I haven't seen him since, I've just worked all of the time, kept myself busy. He's still with me though, heavily in my thoughts; I'd seen Douglas a few times, today when I saw him he was gloating about going on holiday with Stephen, Magaluf or something, I hated it! Jealousy running through my veins, I knew from that moment that leaving him was a mistake.

**Don't go**

Ste and Doug were sat at the airport waiting to board their plane. Doug was happy seeing Ste was so excited after everything he'd just been through

"You okay mate?"

Asked Doug

"Yeah I'm buzzing me! First holiday and all that"

Stephen replied

He was like a kid in a sweet shop, looking around, fidgeting, excited at the fact that in less than an hour he would be leaving his problems behind enjoying himself, he had almost forgotten how to do that.

His joyful mood was short lived when he heard _that_ voice saying

"Leaving without saying goodbye, Stephen?

Ste turned around to see him, standing there; his eyes were red and swollen, it looked like he'd been crying.

"What do you want Brendan?"

Stephen quickly said with anger and annoyance in his voice

"I wanted to speak to ye before ye go, can I, please; in private?"

"Okay Brendan, you've got five minutes."

Stephen was convinced speaking to him was a bad idea, but like so many times before he just couldn't walk away.

"I don't want you to go"

Brendan blurted out

"Please stay I've made a mistake leaving ye, I need ya"

"NEED ME?"

Shouted Stephen

"You only need me now because I'm getting on with my life, if I was still at home feeling sorry for myself you wouldn't be telling me you'd made a mistake"

Stephen was crying, his heart aching; he wanted nothing more than to stay with Brendan, he absolutely adored him after all, but he couldn't keep doing this to himself anymore, he wanted to be happy, have fun, forget about all the broken promises.

"No Brendan, your five minutes are up, please just leave me alone"

Stephen went back to Doug not knowing if he made the right decision or not. He knew Brendan was watching as they boarded the plane, but he didn't look back; if he looked back, he probably wouldn't have gone.

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	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

** Ste's point of view **

The plane journey was a quiet one, I didn't really feel much like talking after my run in with Brendan; he always did know how to ruin things for me.

I should have been excited, this was my first time flying; but he even spoiled that for me. I'll be okay once I get out there, there are so many fun things to do, I'll be laughing in no time. It was just right now, all I could think about was the look on his face when he said he'd made a mistake; I couldn't help but feel guilty, which is stupid really – he didn't feel guilty about what he'd done to me time and time again.

All I've ever wanted is to be a normal couple and although he struggles with it sometimes, I thought that was what he wanted too. He needs to open up and talk to me more, or should I say needed to; because I won't be giving him another chance, how can I? I know I'm better off without him.

It didn't take too long to get there, not even three hours infact. The hotel was really nice, I felt a lot better being off the plane and although my head was still battered, I felt happy knowing that at least for one week, I would be free of him; it would give me the time I need to get my head sorted out.

Doug had been great, he's such a good listener, plus he hasn't got a great opinion of Brendan, which is good cause we can slag him off together.

Hotel Samos was the name of our hotel, it's located in the heart of Magaluf, we've even got a balcony that looks over the Mediterranean Sea; I felt dead posh me.

We had a twin room, mini bar, the works! Doug asked me what I wanted to do first, so I suggested maybe unpacking then heading out to all the pubs and clubs. It was already late afternoon, we could do the beach thing tomorrow; Doug agreed.

After I finished unpacking I headed for the shower, feeling refreshed and so much happier than I was earlier, I put my best gear on and waited for Doug to finish getting ready.

I thought I better text Amy to let her know we got here okay, that's when I noticed the unread text on my phone,it was from him

"I miss ye Stephen, BB"

I sighed and felt sad but I deleted it and went to text Amy, then my phone started beeping again; yes, it was _another_ text from Brendan

"I do love ye, BB"

God what was he trying to do to me? He can't stand it when I leave him on his own, although it's okay for him to do it for me. I quickly deleted the message and text Amy, then I switched my phone off; I didn't want him bringing me down, not tonight.

**Brendan's point of view **

I begged him to stay with me but he left anyway, I couldn't actually believe I went to the airport and tried to stop him; see I always end up looking the fool when I show my feelings, maybe it's because I always show them too late.

I felt humiliated by him and I hated that, I think maybe he's starting to realise that he is the one who has the power over me, he is my one true weakness (apart from my boys of course)

Maybe Stephen's right, if he was still moaping around at home, I probably wouldn't have even bothered going to him. But a holiday to Magaluf with Douglas, no; that was just too much, I had to at least try and get him to stay.

I've heard about Magaluf, all the youngsters go there; partying and shagging, that's all they do. Mind you, Stephen is young. I forget just how young he is sometimes. I hope this doesn't mean that he'll be doing that too.

Fucking hell, what have I done? I always do this, promise him the world and give him nothing. Why can't I just accept myself as I am? I'm genuinely happy with him; he makes me smile, a lot; so why when things were going so well, do I leave?

I could carry on blaming my past, blaming my Da; but it's not good enough anymore, I deserve better, Stephen deserves better. I wish I could take back what I did that day, but I can't and now I'm trying to put things right I seem to be making it worse.

Stephen should be there soon, I'm green with jealousy. Douglas, I need to teach him a lesson….again. He should know not to mess with me or mess around with my belongings, I hate that.

I decided to stay in my flat tonight, I told Chez I wouldn't be working, she asked me what was up but I just told her I felt ill; she wasn't stupid though, she knew. I couldn't stop thinking of Stephen, all the blokes would love him out there; it made me feel sick knowing I could have pushed him into another blokes bed.

I text him, not just once but twice; I think I came across as desperate but I wanted him to know that I still love him and that I miss him. He didn't reply of course, did I really think he would? He's so stubborn when he wants to be. Throughout the evening I lost count on the number of whiskeys I had and the number of texts I'd sent him.

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	3. Chapter 3

**_hello :) i've added a doug pov in this chapter enjoy xx_**

**Chapter 3**

**Ste's point of view **

Wow, what a great night I was totally lovin' it me I can't even remember how many cocktails we had drunk, what a mixture of drinks! Still it was a great night all the same. Loads of laffin', loads of dancin' Doug really is great company.

It was around 3am when we got back to the hotel, Doug was absolutely hammered; we both were but he seemed a bit worse off than me and the minute his head touched the pillow he started snoring, I did laugh out loud to myself. I thought I couldn't handle my drink, but Doug bless him he was even worse than me.

I laid on my bed, looked on the clock radio next to me; the time read 3:09am, I wondered what he'd be doing; I know I shouldn't but I couldn't help it; he'd probably still be at the club drinking whiskey, maybe he'd even pulled another bloke, it didn't really matter, he wasn't mine anymore; so he could do what he wanted.

I turned on my mobile phone to see if Amy had text back, which she had, but along with her text were some others….from Brendan, they read:

**_"You not talking to me, Stephen?"_**

**_"Don't ignore me; what do I have to do to get you to reply?"_**

**_"Did ye get there safe? I miss ye"_**

**_"I can take the hint Stephen"_**

That was a total of 6 texts from Brendan, what was he trying to achieve? I'm not going back to him anymore, I'm done; I'm not gonna be there for him so he can play with me, treat me like a toy to be picked up and put down whenever he chooses.

No, this is the best thing for both of us; it's funny how a person can bring the best and the worst out in you, this is what he does to me and no doubt it's what I do to him too.

For a second I did consider texting him back but then decided against it, he left me for no reason; he broke my heart. He chose this, so why should I text him? I can't feel sorry for him, I just can't.

If I feel sorry for him then I'll go running back to him and I've done that too many times already, so I deleted my messages from him and closed my eyes hoping that my dreams tonight would not be of him.

**Doug's point of view **

I felt so sorry for Ste, he is a great guy very funny, caring and sweet, he'd do anything for anyone he didn't need this crap off Brendan.

I didn't understand Brendan at all, he had Ste and he threw him away time and time again; strange thing is, I know Brendan loves him, look what he did for us with the business that was solely for him, not for me.

The only thing was Brendan had a hold over me and he always used it to his advantage; I don't know what Ste would do if he found out I went behind his back, he'd probably never trust me again and that's not good when we're partners.

I know Brendan doesn't want Ste to know that he lent me the money, but he could change his mind at any point, everyone knows how unpredictable Brendan Brady is.

Anyway we were having a great time together tonight, both of us got drunk, too many cocktails; we danced the night away, this was just what Ste needed to take his mind off Brendan.

I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket, I started to feel a little panicky when I saw it was from Brendan

**_"Name of hotel you're staying in? Douglas, now. BB"_**

Does he really think I'm going to tell him, I deleted the message straight away but when another message came through:

_**"Remember, you still owe me."**_

I had no choice but to reply telling him the name of our hotel. Here I am going behind Ste's back again; he doesn't deserve this from me.

I carried on with our evening, trying not to let what I'd just done get to me.

**Brendan's point of view **

I woke up with a groggy head, I hadn't had much sleep and I felt a little hungover, I did drink quite a bit last night, that might explain the six texts I sent to Stephen, I didn't even get one back, sometimes that boy is even more heartless than me.

My text to Douglas was a success though, as I got the address of where Stephen was staying. I can't have Stephen being around other men, I won't have it! I'll show him that I'm all he needs. I hate him spending more time with Douglas, but what if I can't take back the damage I've done? So in my drunken state I managed to book a flight to Magaluf.

Maybe if he sees all the effort im going to, he might come back to me; I know he's hurt but he still loves me and I'm sure we can work things out, we always do; I suppose I better tell Chez what I'm planning. I'd have to take the time off work, I'm sure she won't mind– she loves Stephen and I together.

I shouldn't have drunk so much last night especially as I have to leave in an hour; I suppose I better get ready. I don't even know what my intentions are, I don't know if I should just watch him from afar or tell him I'm here.

I don't want to spoil his holiday and before he left he did seem pretty pissed at me, I know the best thing to do would be to stay here, but that's not an option for me, I need to go to him, I don't like how friendly he is with Doug. I see the way he looks at Stephen; it reminds me of how Stephen used to look at me before we got together.

It should be us enjoying a holiday together and it could have been if I hadn't had messed it up again, but as far as Stephen is concerned; that's all I seem to do.

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	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

**Ste's point of view**

I woke up feeling hot and clammy from having dreamt of him again, it's been this way ever since we spilt up. Some dreams were nicer than others; this one was a nice dream or should I say sexual….No matter what goes on between us, I can't take away the fact that he is absolutely gorgeous and I really do fancy him, like I never have anyone else before.

He fulfils me and satisfies me in every way possible and the way he makes me feel I would have been more than happy to only ever be with im forever, soppy git me aren't I? If Doug hadn't of been in the same room I would have relieved myself, as thinking of Brendan always did make me rock hard.

Anyway I'd come on this holiday to forget him and that's what I'm going to do, if only for a few hours. Doug and I had a busy day planned with loads of stuff to do, first of all we went quad biking, oh my god what a laff! It was absolutely brilliant, but it's harder than it looks. I hadn't had that much of a laff in ages.

Next we went on the human sling shot, Doug and I were sat together in a bungee type seat and flung into the air at a fast speed, it was amazing; I loved it me! I'm sure Doug was screaming like a girl.

After that we headed on down the beach, it was really busy, loads of people were swimming. We led on the beach for a bit, I wanted to get a tan. I don't think Doug was that bothered, but he did anyway. We'd had a right laff today, and I hardly thought of Brendan. Doug was up for anything and he is really good fun, we will probably go clubbing tonight; that should be fun more drinking, I better take it easy, I really did feel rough this morning. I'll stay away from the cocktails this time!

I noticed that Doug was quiet and texting on his phone, I asked him if everything was okay; he smiled and said that everything was fine.

After a few hours on the beach we headed on back to the hotel, we'd heard about a club called **the strip** which apparently was pretty outrageous! So we decided to go there.

When we reached the hotel, Doug had told me he wanted to make a phone call and that he'd catch me up. I told him not to be too long as I was up for having a good drink.

This holiday was a really good idea, I actually felt genuine happiness, a feeling I hadn't felt since I was with Brendan. Although I thought of him most of the time, I was starting to get used to him not being around, and that's the first step in getting over him.

It will be hard and I will never forget him, but now I just wanna move forward.

**Brendan's point of view **

I feel like a mad man, look at what he's done to me! It won't be long now until I'm in Magaluf with him. I've decided to just keep an eye on him and watch him, I've got Douglas there to help, but I don't trust him; it's the way he looks at Stephen, luckily though Stephen doesn't look at him that way, at least not yet.

The plane journey was okay, I did get a bit agitated as I was sat next to a guy who kept falling asleep and every time he nodded off he leant on my arm, I thought at one point I was gonna hit him, the old me would have. Thanks to Stephen he made me calmer, softer and I had more patience when it came to people.

There was a family infront of me, they had two kids and the kids kept rocking in their seats jumping up and down, but I survived it anyway; just.

I checked in at hotel Samos around 3:20pm luckily for me they had a room left, I wasn't sure what room or floor they were on but I suppose I could always find out, I could always text Douglas couldn't I?

I noticed that the guy in reception was checking me out, I couldn't really blame him; I am irresistible after all. I saw this as a chance to find out what room Stephen was in without involving Douglas yet. I intensely flirted with him; he was okay looking but not my type.

It didn't take me long to get the number of his room, I did always get what I wanted in the end. Room 169, it had to have 69 in it, it made me laugh. I got to my own room, room 207 and thought I'd better text Douglas; let him know I was here:

**"Hi honey I'm home! BB"**

I then text him telling him I wanted to know everything they did, every place they go and if he didn't I would tell Stephen about the loan, his reply was:

**"Fine Brendan, I understand"**

Im glad he does otherwise I might have to get nasty, and I didn't wanna do that, not with Doug; it would only give Stephen more reason to doubt me, to not trust me.

It was around 7pm I led on my bed just thinking of Stephen and that smooth body of his, when a text came through from Douglas which read

**"Going to a club tonight called the strip, Doug."**

I text him back

**"good boy"**

I had to go, I had to see him; he wouldn't know im there so it doesn't matter. I do miss him, more than I thought I would; I got used to him being with me, they say you don't know what you've got until it's gone; I didn't know then, but I do now. I just hope he will forgive me; I won't give up until he's mine again.

**Doug's point of view **

Another brilliant day with Ste, he really is pretty amazing; I admire him, he really had turned his life around. I enjoy spending time with him he's great fun; we had a right laugh today.

Quad biking, what an experience I'd never done anything like that before, Ste was up for doing most things, I often wonder how he fell for Brendan, they are so different and I can't imagine Brendan being fun at all.

I didn't enjoy the human sling shot, it made me feel sick, but Ste was loving it. We were flung into the air so high and fast, I think I even screamed at one point, Ste was just laughing, he's always laughing.

The beaches were lovely but they were so busy and Ste was quite happy lying on the beach getting a tan and although it wasn't really my thing, I stayed anyway.

When my phone went off I knew it was going to be Brendan, and it was. He was mocking me as always

**"Hi honey, I'm home."**

What is wrong with him? He told me he wanted to know Ste's every move, I had to agree, I couldn't have Ste find out about my dodgy deal with Brendan; it would break him, break his trust.

I have felt bad for months keeping it from him, especially when he was always saying how glad he was that we did this without Brendan's help; even when they got back together he still said it was the one part of his life that didn't involve Brendan and he wanted to keep it that way, how could I tell him the truth?

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	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

**Ste's point of view **

Doug didn't seem very happy tonight, I did ask him but he said he was fine. I didn't want to keep on; he knew that I was here if he needed to talk.

We went to a few bars, had a couple of drinks. I noticed Doug's mood had changed, he started to relax which I was glad about, I didn't want him to be unhappy. I know we hadn't been friends for that long but I'd grew fond of him; he believed in me with carter and hay and he never gave up until he got the money.

We had a good friendship based on mutual respect and trust and we looked out for eachother, I hadn't really had a friendship like that before.

We gave up on the bars and headed to the club, it was really busy and I could now see why it was called the strip, it's totally mad. People were stripping off dancing naked on podiums and around poles; god I could never do that! I haven't got the confidence me.

There are loads of fit blokes in here, I felt sorry for Doug; he didn't really know where to look, I did though. There was this one guy that caught my eye he was gorgeous, I would say late twenties, blondish hair, he was one of the confident ones dancing around naked on the pole; he had a body to die for and I couldn't help but look!

Doug kept slapping me on the arm telling me to stop it, I said to him

"What are you, my mum?"

We both laffed, we did a lot of that together.

"Come on Doug, let's dance"

I suggested, and for the next few hours that's what we did, and drink of course.

Doug had started dancing with some girl, pretty thing but she looked really drunk and was all over him, he didn't seem too bothered though; he was enjoying himself.

I headed over to the bar to get myself another drink, they were so cheap in here it was great! That's when the guy I was checking out earlier came over to me

"Hiya im Jacob, you're hot"

I blushed and went all shy

"Taa, you're not too bad yourself I replied"

Maybe mine and Doug's luck was in tonight!

**Brendan's point of view**

It was around 9pm when I entered the club, I can't believe Stephen would come here there really was nothing nice about the place; the music was loud and it all sounded the same. It was more like a mass orgy, people snogging everywhere, both men and women, people were even dancing around naked on podiums and poles. I suppose i should have known, it was called the strip after all.

I may have enjoyed this 10 years ago but not now, I guess I'm just showing my age. I never thought it was a problem until now; it's just not my thing.

It was packed out so obviously this was the place to be. My heart sank as I looked around trying to see him, but nothing. I wondered if I'd ever find him in here. It was Douglas I caught sight of first, he was dancing really badly, laughing, enjoying himself and then there he was; my beautiful Stephen.

And after that all I could see was him, it was like we were the only ones here, I could no longer hear the music or see all the other people; it was just me and him, that was just how I liked it.

Stephen looked really happy; he always did love to dance. He was wearing a pair of grey trousers and a blue shirt which matched the colour of his eyes. His hair all styled, not a strand out of place, although I missed his old hair, it did look very sexy this way but I do miss tucking those loose strands behind his ears.

After watching him dance for what seemed like hours, I noticed him walk over to the bar; this was my chance to go to him, would he be angry though? I didn't really care; I could wrap him around my finger again. But before I had the chance some bloke was chatting to him, his tongue nearly hanging out of his mouth.

He was nothing like me, blondish hair, well built, very muscular. I saw Stephens face, he looked into him I couldn't have this; it would completely break me. The thought of him being with anyone else makes me want to explode, this is the reason I didn't want him to come here and the reason why I had to.

I approached Douglas, he knew I was here but looked shocked to see me anyway. He was with some girl, I didn't care; I got inbetween them and spoke in his ear

"Douglas, a word - now."

If he liked it or not, he was going to help me, I didn't want Stephen sleeping with that blonde fairy! No way, over my dead body.

**Doug's point of view**

Brendan Brady, that man had a lot to answer for. Why is he adamant on causing trouble? He made his bed, why doesn't he just lie in it? He is bringing me down and I don't want it to affect my holiday with Ste, why doesn't he just wait till we get home? Then he can try and get Ste back. But then doing the right thing never was his style was it?

I hate being in the middle, I think I'm just going to tell Ste that I went behind his back; I'd rather tell him and risk losing his friendship than Brendan having a hold over me forever.

I was having a good time tonight despite my earlier mood, I even managed to pull! But then out of nowhere, he was stood infront of me, I could see he was angry, wound up – I didn't mess with him when he was this way.

He put his mouth to my ear demanding a word so yet again I let him push me around. He took me outside the club, I wondered what I'd have to do for him now, I've got to tell Ste, I can't let Brendan have control over me anymore, this ends now.

_**your comments are really appreciated keep them coming xxxxxxxxxxxx:) **_


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

**Ste's point of view **

Things were definitely getting interesting, Jacob didn't hide the fact that he wanted me; he was very forward and upfront. He told me that he thought I was gorgeous and that he wanted to sleep with me tonight, if I was up for it of course.

I couldn't help but think of Brendan, what would it mean for us if I did? Probably that there was no going back, but then I wasn't going back to him so it didn't matter. What better way to get over him by getting under someone else?

He was gorgeous, and as long as i was safe I didn't see the harm; I am young free and single after all. I kissed him, it felt odd kissing someone else other than Brendan but unless I just went for it, I was never gonna forget him.

It felt slightly uncomfortable and a bit rushed; maybe it was just my nerves. Kissing another man was a big thing for me, we were still at the bar and when I looked for Doug I couldn't see him, I wondered where he'd gone? Maybe he went to the toilet.

I went back to the spot we were with Jacob behind me holding onto my waist, it felt good having someone hold me. We just kept kissing eachother and the more I kissed him, the more I drunk, the more I enjoyed it. Maybe I would sleep with him after all.

I've got nothing to lose; it might even do me some good. Our kissing became a bit heated and the next thing I knew I was being dragged in the toilets. We both went into the cubicle, he was all over me! It felt kinda nice having someone wanting me again.

I could feel his cock through his trousers as he pressed up against me; I got lost in the moment and I started to undo his trousers; he was a very big boy! I dropped to my knees and took him in my mouth, Jacob was rough he had hold of my head and was pushing it further down on him, it made me gag, his cock was so big I had a job to get all of it in my mouth! He was quietly moaning, clearly enjoying the feeling I was giving him. The next thing I knew the door was kicked open, luckily we weren't too close to the door as when it swung open it nearly hit me.

It took me a while to recognise the figure that was stood before me, probably because I didn't want to see him. It felt like I was having a bad dream maybe that was it, maybe I was dreaming.

But then I saw that angry look in his eyes, one I'd seen many times before; it was him, he was really here – Oh fuck, Brendan.

**Brendan's point of view **

I had to speak to Doug, I had to get him to help me; he was my only chance. I had hurt Stephen after all, maybe if Doug could have a chat with him, that might help.

I took Doug outside so we could talk , I asked him if I could have his room key they did have two and besides I wanted to do something for Stephen, I had a surprise for him.

Doug hesitated saying he was going to tell Stephen about the money and me blackmailing him. I told Douglas that Stephen would be heartbroken if he found out that we both went behind his back.

I knew how to play Douglas, he also needing reminding that I could mess with him anytime I wanted to. I told him that he was the only person Stephen could trust and that he'd have no one if Doug confessed, besides Amy.

I told him to think carefully about it as it might just push Stephen over the edge, thank god he listened and agreed to keep quiet. I didn't want everything to be ruined, not yet anyway.

I went back into the club with Douglas, we didn't walk together though – I walked behind him. I was distressed by what I saw next, Stephen and that blonde fairy kissing, I felt so wired, so angry; sick to the pit of my stomach.

"Leave him be Brendan" Douglas said

But I couldn't, I watched as Stephen was dragged to the toilets; I wasn't stupid – I knew what was going to happen, I had to put a stop to it, I wasn't having him touch him; he's mine! No one else's, no one gets to touch him but me. I swear to god I will kill him if he lays one finger on him.

I stormed off and went into the toilets I could hear them, or at least I could hear him; he sounded like he was enjoying himself. I saw red and went into a rage. I kicked open the door to find Stephen on his knees with Blondie's cock in his mouth. If looks alone could kill, they'd both be dead. I looked at that cocky bastard and said you have two minutes to get out of here or I'll kill ye.

**Doug's point of view **

I felt a bit sorry for him; I could hear the desperation in his voice. I didn't think that Brendan was capable of love but seeing him this way, I wasn't so sure. I thought that he was just playing games with Ste, but he's not, he wants to put this right.

But what about Ste? He wants to move on; he doesn't want to keep being hurt by him and if I help Brendan then I'm betraying Ste. Brendan is very good at getting what he wants, so when I finally agreed to help him I wasn't surprised.

I gave him my room key, he told me he needed it because he had a surprise for Ste; when we got back into the club Ste was kissing some guy. Brendan looked completely broken, I could tell how hurt he was, it was written all over his face. I didn't know what to do so I just told him to leave it but Brendan being Brendan, he didn't listen and the next thing I knew he was storming off.

Some holiday this is turning out to be.

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	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

**Ste's point of view **

"Jesus Brendan! What are you doing here? Get out will ya. "

I shouted at him, he never moved; his eyes wild he looked like he was possessed.

"Brendan go NOW"

but still, he didn't leave he just continued looking at him, I quickly got up and moved away from a worried looking Jacob.

He pulled up his trousers and the next thing I knew Brendan was pulling him out of the cubicle. He looked so unhinged it frightened me, I knew that unless I stepped in Jacob was about to get the beating of his life.

I tried to move inbetween them but it was difficult, he had hold of him so tight; I turned to him:

"Brendan please just let him go, please!"

He looked at me, tilted his head and released him; I think he saw the familiar look of fear in my eyes.

"Get out of here Blondie, now!"

I couldn't believe it, what was he doing here anyway? I was angry at him, how dare he do this to me! He never wanted me, he left so what was all this about?

I tried to be calm but I couldn't, I started to shout at him, I told him I was sick of him and his games and that I wanted him to leave me alone.

"You don't mean that Stephen"

He sounded upset but I didn't care, he just barged in on me giving another bloke head; I was embarrassed – I just wanted him to go. He told me that he wanted to speak to me and that he'd come here because he didn't want to leave it this way between us.

He said he was sorry, that he loved me still. But I couldn't listen to him anymore, it hurt me too much. He came over to me closing the space between us pleading with me to listen to him.

I'd only ever seen him like this once before and that was the first time he told me he loved me. My heart was beating faster, butterflies in my stomach. I could feel I was starting to weaken as I looked in those eyes of his.

Luckily Doug entered the toilet breaking my weak moment, asking:

"Ste are you okay?"

"Yes Doug, I just wanna go though, can we?"

With that I looked at Brendan who at this point was looking at the floor he makes me feel guilty like I've done something wrong. I know that walking away from him is hard, but I've got to do it.

"I can't do this anymore Brendan"

"Stephen don't go"

I turned from him and walked out of the toilets, on the outside I was fine but on the inside I was dying.

**Brendan's point of view**

He was shouting at me to get out, shouting at me to go; does he honestly think I'm going to leave him with Blondie so they can fuck in some club toilets? Real classy.

I really thought Stephen was better than that, maybe I don't know him as well as I thought. I couldn't help but stare at him, I could feel I was shaking I was about to lose control; all I wanted to do was get him away from Stephen.

I pulled on him, yanking him out of the cubicle; I knew I was going to hurt him. How dare he touch what's mine?

Stephen tried forcing his way inbetween us, He begged me to let him go; I did as he asked, he looked so scared and I never wanted to make him look like that again.

I told Blondie to get out, it was a good job he listened otherwise I wouldn't have been able to control my temper, he asked for it!

I tried talking to Stephen but he didn't wanna know; he told me he was sick of me, that he'd had enough of playing games; but I wasn't playing games – not this time anyway.

He'd just been with another man and still all I wanted to do was touch him. I moved over to him closing the space between us; I wanted to kiss him, feel him in my arms I wanted to tell him I was sorry, that I still loved him, that I was ready for this relationship but I never got the chance.

Doug came in asking if he was okay, Stephen told him he wanted to go but I didn't want him to go; I wanted to be with him, I need him – doesn't he get that yet?

I asked him not to go but he did anyway, Stephen makes me feel so many things, things I'd never felt before. This is all new to me; he wears his heart on his sleeve but I don't, why does he continue on punishing me by not even giving me the chance to explain?

If he's not going to listen to me, then I'll have to show him exactly what he means to me.

**Doug's point of view **

I couldn't believe this was happening, poor Ste. He came here for a break, to forget Brendan and now he's here basically stalking him and even I'm helping. Brendan was really angry when he stormed off; I did follow him but I didn't want to let him know that I did so I still kept a bit of a distance.

I stood by the toilet door, I didn't go in straight away; I didn't really want to see Ste kissing the face off someone, but then I suppose neither did Brendan.

After a little while the guy Ste was with came rushing out, he looked flustered and not very happy; I gave Brendan and Ste a few minutes, then I entered the toilet.

They looked really close, almost like they were just about to kiss, a strange feeling crept over me and I didn't know how I felt about seeing them like that.

Ste pulled back from Brendan telling me he wanted to go, that was fine by me, I didn't want to be here with Brendan anyhow.

I could tell he didn't want Ste to go, but he had no choice, I suggested to Ste that we go to a bar and get a drink before heading back to our hotel, he seemed reluctant at first but agreed in the end; he looked so upset and deep in thought like a thousand memories had flashed before his eyes and it was too much to take.

I wanted to put my arms around him, make him feel better- but I didn't, I couldn't, it would only complicate things further; for me anyway.

_**pleas review guys it means a lot xxxxxxxxxx :)**_


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Brendan was desperate, he needed to show Stephen that he was serious about him, he needed a chance; another one, to prove himself. Brendan text Doug asking if him and Stephen were back yet. Doug replied saying that they weren't back so Brendan asked him to stay out for a little while longer so he could organise something special for Stephen. With Doug having already given the key to Brendan he could now put his plan into action. Doug wasn't pleased with any of this but he felt that he had to cooperate with him for Ste's sake. Brendan feeling very confident went to room 169 whilst Ste and Doug were still out. Brendan had with him candles, roses, baby oil and of course lube and condoms. Brendan had never done anything like this before, he just wanted to fuck his exes without making an effort, but this was for his Stephen and he was different, special. He scattered the rose petals on Stephen's single bed, he couldn't believe he had a single bed to work with, but it didn't matter. He put some candles around the room and put the oil,lube and condoms on the dresser; everything was ready, all he needed now was Stephen.

Brendan then headed on back to his room he text Doug to tell him to get Stephen back to their room alone a.s.a.p. and that Brendan wanted to speak to Doug in his own room (207) – Doug did everything he was told. About 10 minutes later there was a knock at Brendan's door, it was Doug. Brendan told Doug he'd be staying here tonight in his room as he'd be making up with Stephen and he didn't want to be disturbed, Doug felt gutted. He had started having feelings of his own for Ste

"YOU DON'T DESERVE HIM!" Doug blurted out.

"Oh don't I Douglas? What do you know about it." Replied Brendan.

"Plenty" said a devastated Doug.

With that Brendan had Doug pinned up against the wall,

"It's none of your business, stay away from him Douglas!" Brendan said through gritted teeth.

"Oh and help yourself to a drink Yankee-doodle-Doug"

Brendan sarcastically said, smirking before leaving the room slamming the door behind him.

**_A perfect night  
_**

Brendan quickly got to Stephen's room and knocked on the door and without waiting for an answer he walked into room 169. Stephen was stood on the balcony looking at the view, Brendan stood still for a minute to admire him. The silhouette of that gorgeous body, he imagined that beautifully soft skin that felt like velvet to touch, his full pert arse that Brendan absolutely adored, he moaned at the thought of him. Stephen, this gorgeous creature that was made purely and solely for him; no words were spoken from either of them. Brendan as usual only knew how to fix things with actions and although Stephen wanted to talk, this time he didn't know what he felt at this point. He knew disappointment was some of what he was feeling but the need, the want, the passion and desire overwhelmed any other feeling he had, he found him so very hard to resist and Brendan knew this, that's why he had gone back to him so many times before. Every time he tried to break away from him he was pulled right back.

Brendan moved closer to Stephen so he was stood right behind him, he put his arms around his waist, he felt happier having just touched him; he so missed the closeness they shared. Stephen put his head back onto Brendan's chest, his face so beautiful; his breathing became heavier as Brendan started slowly kissing his neck. Brendan turned Stephen around so he could kiss those soft inviting lips, he looked intensely in to Stephen's eyes wanting a look to let him know he was forgiven, that things were gonna be okay; naturally Brendan got the look from those beautiful blue eyes that he wanted.

The kiss was out of this world, long, slow at first but hard, forever growing, tongues thrashing around each other's mouths, so powerful that it almost felt electrifying; each other's hands grabbing at one another, touching feeling, any part they can. Brendan pulled away taking Stephen by the hand, leading him into the candlelit room; he stopped just before he got to the bed and started to undress him, he took off every item of clothing so that he was standing naked before him. Brendan eyed Stephen up and down letting out an appreciative moan; he gently ran his thumb over his lips before kissing him again.

They fall on the bed together, rose petals going everywhere, Brendan wanting this night to be different, to be special. He leans over to the dresser to get the baby oil, Stephen was looking so delicious laid flat out on the bed, his blue eyes wide and dazzling, his dark shiny hair that's no longer dirty blonde, his gorgeous body that Brendan wanted to devour over and over again, he is totally mesmerised by this mind blowing beauty laid before him. Brendan starts to massage Stephen rubbing baby oil all over him; Stephen was already excited and asking Brendan

"Touch me Bren please"

"Patience" Brendan replied.

"Turn over Stephen"

Brendan wanted to rub oil onto his back, he wanted to totally relax him, make sure that this was what he really wanted. Stephen was loving Brendan's hands all over him, touching every single part of his body. It made him desperate for him. Stephen turned around

"I want to suck you,taste you" Brendan said

And within seconds he had his hands around the base of Stephen's cock. Brendan was full on straight away, sucking him senseless, Stephen was in a state of bliss

"Oh yeah... fuck... Brendan... it feels so good"

Stephen's hands holding onto Brendan's head, his hand occasionally running through his hair, his hold on Brendan's head tightens as he cums in his mouth with a force that hits the back of Brendan's throat, but he can take it and swallows every last bit. Brendan moves next to him and they lay in the spooning position, they haven't got a lot of room in the bed but they make do. Brendan rubs some lube onto Stephens's entry, he is very hard and ready to enter him, Stephen is begging Brendan to fuck him as usual, Brendan holds Stephen's leg up slightly and thrusts himself into him slowly but firm with Stephen moving in time with his thrusts, he kisses his neck again and touches his erected nipples, he begs him

"Fuck me harder Bren!"

Brendan could hardly contain his excitement for the boy, of course he delivers, he fucks him harder than he ever has before, Brendan is close to cumming so he starts stroking Stephen's cock, wanking him off

"Tell me when you're gonna cum Bren"

Stephen insisted.

Stephen's shining smooth body felt so good up against Brendan's, his cock fitted perfectly into Stephens arse, there was nothing in the world better and there never will be.

"I'm about to cum Stephen"

Brendan was so close

"I'm going to cum again with you Bren" replied Stephen

He exploded into Stephen and Stephen exploded over Brendan's hand and on the sheets. They lay together this way, still not talking much but both so contented having this feeling, having eachother again. They couldn't move they didn't want to; Brendan kissing the back of Stephen's head and neck; this moment is perfect; Brendan wished everything else would be this perfect. He held onto Stephen, pulling him closer – Stephen turned round to face him, their bodies pressed into eachother, holding eachother; this is how they were meant to be.

They were both so appealing to eachother, always have been always will be. Brendan started kissing Stephen again, sending shivers down his spine. His kiss, his touch had such an effect on him, it wasn't long before they started pleasuring eachother again, taking eachother to a new level of ecstasy.

_**review's make it all worth while so please leave one :) xxxxx**_


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

**Ste's point of view **

Wow, that man leaves me breathless, every single time. I thought that things were really over between us, but how can it be when he still makes me feel this way? I should still be angry for everything he's done, but I'm not.

I know I said I wasn't going back but I just can't help myself, I've never been able to think straight when it comes to him. The thing with Brendan though is that usually when he gets what he wants, he doesn't want it anymore and I can't help but think that this time is going to be like all the other times, how is he ever going to change?

I know he's come a long way, I do know that but I still need more commitment from him and I don't see him giving me what I want. Waking up to him though was the best feeling in the world; he looks so gorgeous, he's holding me close, our faces nearly touching – I can hardly contain all the love I feel for him inside. He smiles at me, that knowing smile, the cocky one because he knew I'd be here again and inviting cause I know he wants to have his way with me.

But it's fine because I want to be here anyway. I kiss him good morning and it's not long until we are all over eachother again. He explores me, touching me like it's the first time he's ever touched me, no wonder why I can never get over him, no one knows me like he does, no one gets me the way he does. I love feeling him so close to me, I am always at my happiest when I am with him; nothing or no one could make me happier than I am right now.

I couldn't help wonder if we'd be better off moving away from Chester, not too far but far enough to have a fresh start, but we both have too many commitments here. I have my kids and Carter and Hay and Brendan has the club. The thing is though, if I thought it would be the making of us, I would do it in a heartbeat. I just hope that love is enough to keep us together.

There was only so many times that I could keep coming back to him after all, but for now I'll just get lost in him again in this perfect place when it's just me and him.

**Brendan's point of view **

He's let me in again, he's come back to me – how can he not when things are so good between us? I know they haven't always been, but the love we have and the passion we share is like nothing I've ever experienced in my whole life. I don't know why I keep messing things up, he's the one for me, there is no one else and there never will be.

If I hadn't of got scared we would have never broke up in the first place, I need to give him more of myself, I get that, I do but I don't want to rush into anything or feel pressured into things from other people, that's when things go wrong.

Most people think I'm no good for Stephen; especially Amy and Doug, but they are wrong, they don't see how happy I make him, how happy he makes me. People try and tear us apart; they can never leave us alone, always interfering, always with a judgment to make. If Stephen and I are ever going to make it work, then he needs to stop listening to other people, I know they all say he's better off without me and maybe he is, but isn't that his decision to make?

For me, I know I can't ever be without him, it's like I don't function properly unless we're together.

I have tried to stay away from him; I really have, lots of times but I always find myself going back, needing him more than ever before. I could never get bored of him; he's like a drug to me and i'm always needing another dose. Morning comes too quickly when he's laid next to me, but what a beautiful sight to see first thing, I can't stop looking at him, I smile at him and he kisses me good morning.

Just looking at him makes me want him all over again; I can't control myself when he's around, I can't get enough of him, he's like an unquenchable thirst and it's not long before I'm making him mine all over again.

**Doug's point of view**

Who does Brendan think he is? One minute I feel sorry for him, the next minute I hate him again. He can't just come on this holiday and take Ste away, it's not fair. Why did he have to come here? This was supposed to be a holiday for us, not for him.

He's like a spoilt child who always has to have his own way and when he doesn't get it he has a tantrum, Ste and I were having a great time, now he's here he will spoil it. It'll all be about him now, that's if they've made up which I'm pretty sure they have; hence me still being in Brendan's room.

I still feel a bit weird about last night, I felt something when I thought of Ste kissing that guy, I didn't want to see; it was like I felt jealous. But I couldn't be could I? I like girls after all. I still think I need to be honest with Ste about a few things, he really needs to know the truth about Carter and Hay, about Brendan blackmailing me, then after that; if he still wants to be with him, then I'll leave them to it.

He's my friend and he needs to know that Brendan will always be the same old Brendan. It's not like I'm doing this for any other reason but to help a friend….right? He'll see that, he knows that I worry about him, I just don't think that Brendan is right for him plus it will make me a lot happier if they are not together won't it?

**_it would mean a lot to me to have your opinions so please review :) xxxxxxxxxxxxxx _**


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

**Ste's point of view**

After having such an amazing night and morning with Brendan I found myself feeling guilty about the fact that I hadn't even thought about Doug or even asked where he was. I felt like such a crap friend, this was supposed to be a mate's holiday and now Brendan is here I'm all loved up again and he is left on his own. I asked Brendan if Doug seemed okay about us as I know he didn't really think much of Brendan but Brendan told me that it was okay and that I worry too much; but it's hard not to worry when the people I care about don't want me to be with him.

I was enjoying cuddles with Brendan when there was a knock at the door. I put on my boxers and got up to answer it, it was Doug. He didn't look very happy

"Ste we need to talk"

I tried apologising for leaving him but he interrupted me:

"It's not about that Ste"

I noticed Brendan get out of bed and start getting dressed, he was looking kind of angry and i didn't know why.

"Ste, in private…."

Doug added.

I told him it was okay to talk infront of Brendan now that we're back together. Brendan approached Doug

"Come on Douglas, we're waiting"

But he said it in a way that seemed threatening, I could tell that something had gone on between them but I wasn't sure what.

"I borrowed the money for cater and hay off Brendan!" Doug blurted out

"Please forgive me"

I couldn't believe what I was hearing; I really thought I could trust Doug. Brendan was not happy; he was looking at Doug like he was just about to kill him, I could hardly speak, I felt betrayed, by both of them. What is it with me? I always pick the wrong ones, not just in relationships but friendships too. I told Doug to leave as I needed to speak with Brendan. I couldn't believe I was here again, a place I didn't want to be; in debt to Brendan, he must have been laughing at me. All the months that I gloated, told him I didn't need him and all the while we'd got the money off him anyway.

Doug tried to say sorry but I just shouted,

"I said Leave Doug"

I wanted the truth from Brendan, I'm sick of all the lies. I waited for Doug to leave the room before I looked at Brendan

"Is this true?"

I asked him.

"Yes Stephen"

He quickly replied.

I expected him to lie, he always did before – but this time he told me the truth.

"You might wanna take a look at the contract whilst you're at it"

He added

I didn't quite know what he was trying to say, but I knew that it wouldn't be good. I will never be able to trust him will I?

"Brendan, I want you to leave"

I felt stupid, I didn't know what to think anymore, he tried to touch me but I moved away from him

"No, Brendan, go now! Please."

"We need to talk about this Stephen"

But I couldn't talk to him; I went into the bathroom and shut the door locking myself in. When I heard the room door open and slam shut I knew that Brendan had left. Betrayed by them both I couldn't hold it in anymore, and my tears started to fall.

**Brendan's point of view **

I was enjoying just being here with him, Stephen lying in my arms, I'd never been like this with anyone else, I wasn't exactly the cuddling type but Stephen, well he made it so easy. Everything seemed to come natural to me regarding him. Stephen couldn't help but worry about Doug and his whereabouts. I told him he'd be fine, he always did worry too much, or as I see it "care" too much. I could see that they share a bond together and I wasn't going to sit back and watch it grow. Stephen needs me, I know that but it's me who needs him more.

We were disturbed by a knock at the door and I was displeased to see that Douglas had interrupted my morning "Shagathon" with Stephen. He looked like he was struggling to keep his emotions in check, he asked Stephen to speak in private, so when he refused I was glad, I wanted to hear what he had to say. I put on my trousers and went over to Douglas; I had a feeling that it was gonna be something to do with me, he'd better be careful here, I wasn't going to let him ruin things for me; not now.

"Come on Douglas, we're waiting"

My heart was beating faster and I knew what was coming before he even spoke, then he blurted it all out, I couldn't believe it. I could see the disappointment on Stephen's face, he looked shocked but also upset; I could see tears in his eyes, although he never let them fall.

Stephen wouldn't look at me after finding out I put the money in for carter and hay, he just kept his eyes on Douglas who just kept saying

"Sorry"

Stupid American prick. Why did he go and spoil it all? Stephen asked him to leave, and when he finally did; that was when he looked at me. He asked me if it was true, for the first time I couldn't lie to him; it would only make it worse. He looked at me as if he were looking right through me. His stare cold but yet again, I bought this upon myself. I told him to check the contract that I got Doug to sign, but I could tell he didn't really care at this point. I went over to touch him and he moved away. No! This can't be happening again, I won't let it. He told me to go but I didn't want to, I couldn't leave it like this; I need him to understand my reasons for doing what I did.

"We need to talk about this Stephen"

But he had nothing to say to me. He went into the bathroom and locked the door so I left what else could I do? He didn't want me near him. We'd come so far but obviously not far enough. Douglas needs to understand that Stephen and I are meant for eachother, if he has destroyed any chance I have with him then I swear I will make him pay!

**Doug's point of view**

What just happened? Brendan has done far worse to him and he asked _me _to leave! I just don't get it. I had to clear my head so I went down to the hotel bar and got a beer. It was only just gone 11:30am and I'm sat drinking already. I felt confused, here I was having feelings not only for another man but for my new found best friend who I've just gone into business with, plus I've just made an enemy of Brendan Brady.

I know it was a stupid move but I had to do it, Ste is better off without him and with my help I will make him see that. I don't know what I want from Ste but I do know that he makes me feel good about myself and I haven't felt like that since Bex. I can't leave it like this between us, so I finish my Drink and head on back to our hotel room.

_**please review pretty please :) xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**_


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

**Ste's point of view **

My head is banging, I'd expect this from Brendan but not for Doug, I feel stupid for letting Brendan get to me again after last time, I should have known that happy ever afters don't exist, at least not for me anyway. He doesn't really love me; he just doesn't want anyone else to love me. It's all about control for him, how do I manage to get it wrong every time? Maybe I just have too much faith in people, too much faith in him. It's down to me now, I have to be strong and leave it all in the past, I can't keep coming back here, he breaks my heart and I'm allowing him to do it over and over again; I don't want to be here anymore, maybe I could see if I could get an earlier flight home.

When I heard a knock on the door I assumed that it would be Brendan, maybe I was hoping. But it wasn't, it was Doug. Luckily I'd calmed down a bit, but I was still fuming with him, he had no right to go to Brendan, at least not after our history. He knew I wanted to do this without him, he looked really upset when he came in, I couldn't help but feel sorry for him, I know how persuasive Brendan can be. I know first-hand that no matter how many times you try to say no you end up giving in, maybe I shouldn't be so hard on him after all.

"What made you do it Doug?" I asked him.

"You, Ste; I did it for you." He replied.

His eyes looking down on the floor,

"I knew how much you wanted this, I just wanted you to be happy, that was all that mattered to me"

I could see that he was genuine, he really did do this for me, he had tried every other option and failed, Brendan was the last chance.

"But why tell me Doug?"

He told me Brendan was blackmailing him to get to me

"I know he loves you Ste, but you can do better than him, I don't want him to hurt you again"

"That's my decision to make Doug" I replied

I couldn't see why it bothered him so much, I know we'd become really good mates but I'm happy with Brendan

"Why do you want to ruin this for me?"

"BECAUSE I LIKE YOU!" He shouted

The next thing I knew Doug had come over to me and kissed me, I didn't know if I was kissing him back or if I was just frozen in shock but when I pulled away to see Brendan at the door watching us, the look on his face was one I'd never seen before; the only word I could use to describe it was "Heartbroken" Just like how I'd looked all those times before. I expected him to go mad, to hit Doug, but he never. He just walked away. I called out to him but he didn't even turn around, oh my god what was happening here?

I liked Doug but not in that way, and now Brendan thinks I'm on with him.

**Brendan's point of view **

I went back to my Hotel room, but I couldn't shake off the resentment that was starting to build up towards Douglas, my anger took over, I couldn't stop; every single bit of furniture was tipped up and thrown across the room, smashing anything and everything in its path, lamps, cups etc. But I didn't care; it made me feel a lot better. Why did he have to go and ruin things for me, doesn't he realise what I'm capable of and what I will do to him if Stephen no longer wants to be with me.

A life for me without him is no life at all, I can see why he is causing trouble, I know he wants him, I can see him trying, flirting, eye fucking him, and I'm not going to let him do this. At least I know the feeling isn't mutual, even so I'm still not going to risk it. I know Stephen loves me and he will still love me once he's heard me out. If he wants to continue on thinking that I don't give a damn about him then I'll have to show him the contract that I got Douglas to sign. Douglas, he didn't even read it, for all he knew he could be signing his life away.

I was just meant to lend them the money and maybe I did do it just to get in Stephen's good books, but the contract states that Stephen Hay and only Stephen is the sole owner of Carter and Hay. I wanted him to have it for his future, I didn't and still don't care about Douglas though. But whatever I did it would be wrong or Stephen would think I wanted something in return and although I did want him my reasons why I did it and probably for the first time in my life were selfless, I did it just for him, for no other reason than that I love him and want him to be happy.

He wouldn't have known about any of it if it hadn't have been for that American cling on. I have to do something about him but my thoughts of Stephen returned, just like they always did, I had to try and put this right between us; can't he see my intentions were honourable at least this time?

When I reached his room I used the key, knowing Stephen he'd still be sulking in the Bathroom. What I saw next was unexpected; at least in my eyes, not from Doug but from Stephen, they were kissing. For a minute it felt like time had stood still, like someone had ripped my heart out and stamped all over it. I wanted to kill him... them. I know I had gone behind Stephen's back and I deserved him asking me to leave, but to kiss someone else, really?

Douglas with that smug look on his face, I don't know how or even why I did it, but I walked away without even saying a word. I knew Stephen would be expecting me to hit out but the truth is I'm tired of trying to prove myself, I've been doing it all my life, I should have never have come here,

maybe it's time to go home.

**Doug's point of view **

I had to go to him to try and put things right, he seemed to have calmed down a lot which I was thankful for, I hate seeing him so upset, and I hate knowing that I was part of the cause of it. We talked things through, he kept asking me questions about why I did it, I couldn't stand lying to him anymore so I came clean about everything and told him the truth, I told him how I did it for him to make him happy and that I liked him.

His face, he looked so shocked so I walked over to him and kissed him and I don't know but it felt like he kissed me back, I couldn't help but feel excited, all this was new to me but then Ste pulled away and Brendan was standing there, he'd seen us kissing, I couldn't believe it – I forgot he still had my key. I expected him to hit me, to row with me but nothing came, Ste looked even more upset, I could see now how much he loved him, he called after him but he just walked away, Brendan won't forget this in a hurry,

what have I done?

**_please please please review xxx :) xxx_**


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

**Ste's point of view**

He'd made so much effort with me lately, I was angry with him still but I hadn't even given him the chance to explain and now he's seen Doug and I kissing, I wonder what he's thinking, I'd be devastated seeing him kiss somebody else. I couldn't go down this road with Doug; he is my friend but that is all, I don't want to have a relationship with him and I'm sure he doesn't want it anyway, not really.

Doug and I talked things through; I hoped that things were going to be okay for us, the last thing I wanted was for difficulty with Doug I mean we still had to work together after all. It was okay though Doug understood; he knew how much I loved Brendan and although things might be weird with Doug and I for a bit, I knew things would come good.

I asked Doug for his advice, asked him what I should do, he told me to go to him and put things right. Doug had told me his room number so I went and knocked on his door. I waited for a reply but it never came. I opened the door to see a smashed up room and no sign of Brendan, no evidence that he was coming back; all his stuff was gone.

Oh my god, he'd left, he'd given up – what did that mean for us? Obviously he wasn't going to fight for me, he saw Doug kissing me and made up his own mind, but I never kissed him back, I pulled away. Brendan was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

I returned to my hotel room feeling gutted, realising something, that I can't let him go. I want him, I do. Maybe when I get home I can put this right. Doug and I have three days left, we may as well try to salvage something, try to enjoy it.

I'm in Magaluf with my best mate; maybe I should just let my hair down and have some fun. I told Doug that Brendan had left and that I was going to sort it out when I got home. I thought about ringing Brendan but I'd rather talk to him face to face and who knows, maybe a few days apart will do us good, I really hope it will. Right now I just need to forget, I'll deal with everything when I get home.

I know that I feel betrayed by them both but I've been betrayed by people all my life, at least they did it because they care; although I wasn't convinced at first. Brendan's always been the one for me although I tried to deny it time and time again, I thought I could move on, but I can't; we are connected, bonded. I feel like we're together even when we're apart. We've got through worse, we can get through this, I know we can.

**Brendan's point of view **

That's it I'm going home, I can't sit around here watching them together, I want him I really do, but if he doesn't trust me now, he never will. There will always be something or someone that want's to split us up. I don't stand a chance. I wanted to pull them apart when I saw them kissing but using my fists never did get me anywhere.

Maybe if I give him some space he will come back to me off his own back, that's what I'm hoping for anyway. I decided to leave straight away, if I don't I will only go back for Douglas; I bet he's loving this. I pack my things and leave, I managed to get an earlier flight, I did think about saying goodbye but he's made it clear what he wants right now and I'm sure as hell it isn't me; I'm starting to wonder if he'll ever want me again after the damage Douglas has done.

I will never forgive Douglas , and although I'm leaving him to it at the moment, I won't forget. I thought that he'd be eating out of the palm of my hand, not kissing Douglas. Firstly I had to watch him kiss that guy from the club and now Douglas. I can't blame them, that's all I ever want to do to him as well with those gorgeous lips of his. They all see what I see in him, they all want what I want.

I know one day he'll realise that he's better than me, maybe he's realised that now, he won't even notice that I'm gone, he'll be too busy with Douglas. Maybe leaving is the wrong thing to do; I could have just made it worse, I could have pushed them even closer together. It's not like me be so easily defeated, what if they get together? I mean it's not like before when he was with Noah, it's different this time; Douglas really likes him, I can tell. Plus they work together so it's got to mean something for them to risk their working relationship.

With Noah, he was just a nobody and it was easy to break them up, I'll be glad to get home and sort my head out, I'm not thinking straight. I should have just smacked him; it would have made me feel much better but then Stephen would hate me forever, and I would risk losing him for good, which I probably have anyway.

I always force him, force him to come back to me, this time I need to know if I'm what he really wants and the only way I'll know is if I leave it to him. He knows I love him, I've made my feelings pretty clear, if he feels the same then he needs to show me.

**Doug's point of view **

Brendan didn't even hit me! I can't believe I got away with that one. But his face seeing me kiss him, I could tell he was crushed; I couldn't help but feel smug about it but when I saw the same look on Ste's face I felt bad i knew that Brendan would always be the one for Ste.

He asked me what he should do about him, what was I meant to say? I told him to go and speak to him, although I felt jealous and I didn't want him to sort things out; I wanted it all to go wrong, Brendan doesn't deserve him.

I hope he realises how lucky he is to have him. When Ste came back telling me that Brendan had left I couldn't believe it, why go to all trouble of coming here to win him back to just leave? Maybe he has a plan; maybe this is just another game he is playing.

We still had three days of our holiday left and Ste told me he wanted to make the most of it which was fine by me! I know I had these feelings for him, it was hard not to; he really is amazing but I knew we'd be okay plus if things didn't work out with Brendan, I'd be here waiting for him.

**_review's really do make a difference :) xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx_**


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

**Ste's point of view**

We'd been home for two days now and I hadn't seen anything of Brendan. I knew that he wouldn't come to see me. I knew that if things were going to get sorted out that I'd have to do the running like I always did.

I didn't understand why I was feeling guilty about everything when originally I was so angry with him, angry that he left me but after Doug kissing me I'm the one that's feeling bad now; it's like I've cheated on him even though we're not together even though I've done nothing wrong it's mad isn't it?

Doug and I were really busy being back at work, I didn't have a lot of free time during the day, but I wanted to see Brendan so I'd just have to go tonight, it didn't really matter as long as I spoke to him.

Doug and I were fine, things were pretty much back to normal between us which was good, I really enjoyed Doug's company; he's so easy to be around.

So here I am at ChezChez, I felt nervous as I approached Brendan's office, I decided to knock; I wouldn't have done that before but times have changed and I feel like I have no right now.

I heard him say:

"Come in"

It had only been a few days since i heard that voice but even that was too long, his voice did things to me. I entered his office, I felt sick through nerves, my palms were sweaty and my confidence had gone

"What can I do for you Stephen?"

He didn't even look surprised to see me, his face so hard to read he showed absolutely no emotion, it was like he was expecting me; he knew I would come.

"I wanted to talk about us Bren"

God he looked amazing, it was hard controlling myself.

"There is no us Stephen, you made that clear"

I tried to explain about Doug and I kissing but he said I could do what I wanted as I wasn't his concern anymore

"You can't mean that Bren"

I couldn't believe what he was saying after everything we've been through, everything we'd overcome.

"It will never work Stephen, there will always be something"

I could feel myself starting to get upset, my eyes must have told him how gutted I was, but I couldn't see anything in his eyes; they were hard, cold – Nothing like they were back in Magaluf that night, that special night when I thought everything was going to be perfect.

Maybe being apart was the only option for us right now, I didn't want it to be but I can't make him want me if he doesn't. I couldn't speak, my chest felt tight; I turned to leave and walked out of the door and this time he didn't stop me.

**Brendan's point of view **

Stephen was home and he had been for a few days, I wanted to go and see him but what would I say? It was clear to me what he wanted and that was Douglas' tongue down his throat.

I often stared at him from the balcony of ChezChez, he seemed totally oblivious to the fact that I was opposite him, opposite carter and hay. But of course to me I was very aware; I would stand here, coffee in my hand and just watch for hours hoping that I'd get just a little glimpse of him.

I had to make a decision as far as Stephen was concerned, I had absolutely nothing to offer him, he'd be better off without me; he has already found a possible new relationship.

And I'm just hurting us both by trying to hold onto him. I know our relationship has always been this way, full of ups and downs –I know we're fiery together, I know we're messed up but I can't keep doing it anymore.

I've ignored my feelings for him before and I'll ignore them again, what other choice do I have? I wasn't prepared for Stephen knocking on my office door tonight, my heart was racing but I'd never let it show. I stayed calm, controlled and distant; when dealing with him it was the only way.

God he looked so nervous, it must have taken guts to come here, I admire his bravery.

"So what can I do for you Stephen?"

I asked coldly, hating myself for being like this with him.

He had come here to talk, he wanted to sort things out between us and I pushed him away, again. The kiss with Douglas had been a mistake, a misunderstanding, the thing was though I'd already made my mind up and I wasn't going to change it.

We kept hurting eachother, we kept getting to this point, never moving forward; never moving past it I felt like the only choice I had was to give up, I do love Stephen, I always have and there is no doubt in my mind now that I always will.

But I have to think about him, I have to put him before myself and he deserves better than me. It hurts to turn him away, it kills me deep inside but when he turns and leaves, I don't stop him, I don't follow him – I just let him go.

**Doug's point of view**

It was late and I wasn't expecting anyone round, the knock on the door had pulled me from my thoughts of the last few weeks, everything seemed a bit of a mess, I went to the door to see Stephen standing there, he looked really upset, he'd been crying. I invited him in and made us a brew, I didn't have anything stronger

"What's happened Ste?"

He explained that he'd gone to Brendan to try and get back together, to put things right between them, he'd even told him that the kiss we shared was a mistake; I knew it was for him, but for me – it wasn't. I kind of hoped that something would have happened between us but he still loves Brendan and I don't think that is ever going to change, infact I know it won't.

Ste had fallen asleep on the couch, I got him a blanket and covered him up, I felt responsible for everything and I couldn't live with the guilt so I decided to go and see Brendan, I had caused some of this after all.

The club was pretty busy and thankfully Brendan was in the office, I knocked on the door, took a deep breath and went in.

_**one more chapter to come please review :) xxxxxxxxxxxxxx**_


	14. Chapter 14

**hello not sure if there is many following this story but thought it still had a few more chapters left hope you enjoy :)**

**Chapter**** fourteen **

**Doug's point of view**

I entered the office not knowing what kind of reception I'd get from Brendan but I didn't really care about that, I only care about Ste, and as much as I thought he was totally crazy loving Brendan Brady he was the man he wanted and I had to respect that.

"Look who it is, Douglas, what do ye want?"

I really believe that he was half expecting me to come here as he didn't even look a little surprised.

"I need to talk to you about Ste Brendan"

"Oh really and why would I wanna talk about Stephen with ye?"

"He really loves you and he misses you Brendan"

I tried to explain to him about the kiss and how it was me who tried it on with him. I was shocked about his reaction because he didn't even look like he cared.

"Stephen is not my problem anymore Douglas he's all yours"

Problem is that what Ste is to him now a fucking problem. I could tell coming here and trying to talk to him was a waste of time.

"You're a bigger fool than I thought you were Brendan, when he is finally over you and believe me he will get over you; I'll be there for him."

All that and still no reaction from him, he is such a cold man. I really have no idea how Ste can be in love with him, he's empty inside. At least I tried to put it right, I know part of it was my fault why they broke up but if he's going to let him go that easily then I'm glad I did. I left Brendan and went back to my flat to find that Ste had gone home.

**Ste's point of view**

I can't believe I feel asleep round Doug's that's how upset I got, I'm just so gutted that Brendan doesn't want me anymore. He didn't even let me explain, he was so cold and he treated me like I was nothing to him. I wish he had stayed away from me instead of following me on holiday. I was doing okay; I was getting over him, now here I am back to square one.

He waits until I'm moving on then he pull's me back again and when I'm wanting him once more he leaves me, it's like a vicious circle one that never changes. Why can't I be strong when it comes to him?

I'm starting to wonder if I should just give Doug a go or at least get to know him better. I know I don't look at him that way but sometimes things can change and maybe if I wasn't so hung up on Brendan then I'd see him differently. I'm sick of all this forwards and backwards game; I just wanna be with him for good. But now after everything he has decided that im not worth it, that im not worth fighting for. It was getting kinda late although I was exactly sure what time it was and instead of going home I found myself outside chez chez knowing he'd be inside.

I don't know how long I'd been standing there when he walked out, he looked really drunk and he wasn't alone. I kept out of the way so he wouldn't see me but I didn't take my eyes off him, off them. He looked quite young, I'd say early twenty's, slim build, brownish hair, infact he looked a lot like me. Was I really that easy to replace with some random from the club. They weren't all over each other but I could tell they were together.

Now here I am with a choice to make, if I don't say anything and let them go home together it's over in my eyes, for good. Or do I say something, call out his name, and stop him from making this mistake when really he should be with me.

**Brendan's point of view**

I had to stop this, we are not good for each other, and we have tried lots of times to make it work, but it doesn't work. It killed me letting him walk out the door tonight especially when he came here to beg for me back. I wondered how I could be so heartless to him after everything I'd put him through.

Douglas, who does he think he is coming here telling me? He has no right sticking his nose in my business. Maybe I should remind him who he is dealing with. It was dead in the club; I was going to head on home until I noticed some guy giving me the eye. He was definitely my type, infact he looked a little like Stephen. Maybe he could be Stephen at least for tonight. I'd drunk quite a few whiskey's, I suppose I was drowning my sorrows, so I wasn't really thinking straight.

I just wanted to forget everything that had happened these last few weeks, I wanted to forget him. I suppose there was no harm in indulging in this Stephen lookalike who clearly wanted to eat me all up. It's not like Stephen and I are together anymore, I'd made my decision as far as he was concerned.

It didn't take me long to pull him, another one that I had eating out of the palm of my hand. I didn't need Stephen; I could go back to the old me anytime I wanted to. He changed me and not for the better. He had me so jealous that I was stalking him, chasing after him when he went on that holiday and even then he pushed me away, told me to leave him alone, so that's what im doing. I'm not letting him in anymore, the walls are going back up.

**_please review :) xxxxxxxx_**


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter fifteen **

**Ste's point of view**

"**Brendan"**

I called out to him, my whole body was shaking, I wasn't sure of the reaction I would get from him. I thought that he had changed but lately he just seems like the old Brendan, the one I didn't like much. Cocky, full of himself and he seemed more distant from me than he ever had before. He turned around but what for I didn't know, it was obvious by the look on his face that he wasn't bothered that I was there. God what is wrong with him?

I should have just ignored him, followed my head but I followed my foolish heart instead. Brendan ignored me and carried on walking with him, but I wasn't giving up that easy and I called him again.

"Go home Stephen will ye?"

But I didn't listen to him, I'd come this far so I went over to him and pulled on his arm

"Brendan wait please"

My lookalike was looking kinda pissed off; I had interrupted his night, his shag with Brendan. What was I doing here? Had I no dignity what so ever? Brendan's friend spoke first

"Look mate I think you'd better go"

Mate, I wasn't his mate, Brendan's fuck telling me to go, I was so angry I thought I was going to explode.

"I wanna hear it from him"

I said, looking at Brendan

"Just go stephen"

I'm sure I heard my heart break hearing him reject me again. He was going home to fuck that random, he choose him over me. I looked over to his friend and said

"You're welcome to him"

I then turned to Brendan who at this point was looking anywhere else but at me.

"That's it Brendan I'm done, there is no us anymore"

He looked at me now and I could see sadness in his eyes, they were filled with regret. I left him there with his new friend, who definitely could have passed for my identical twin brother. That's what I didn't get about Brendan, all the game playing. Instead of talking things through or saying sorry he'd rather get someone who looks like me instead of sorting things out. At least now I know I have to move on from him, I get it now I do, we will never work, and he still has too many hang ups.

He can have his one night stands, his empty victories; he will never give himself to me, I know that now. I hadn't got far when I heard someone behind me, felt him touch my shoulder, it was him, it was Brendan.

**Brendan's point of view**

I thought that by pulling someone else that I could forget Stephen, but it didn't work and the more I tried to forget the more I remembered. Even the guy I'm taking home looked like Stephen and I started to feel angry, what was I doing with him? I heard Stephen, he was calling me, and shit he'd seen me with my latest fuck. I couldn't believe it, what was he even doing here?

I didn't even give him the time of day, I ignored him. He caught up to us and tried to speak to me but I just told him to go. I don't know why I did when all i wanted to do was grab hold of him, touch him, kiss him, and smell him. He told me he was done, that there wasn't any us anymore and I could tell he meant it. He looked so gutted seeing me with another bloke but really he should feel flattered, he looked similar. He left us, I didn't want him to but I suppose he had no choice.

I wasn't being very nice to him plus I had my conquest in tow so I can't blame him for leaving. The minute he was out of sight I knew I'd made a mistake; and now hearing the guy I was gonna fuck slag stephen off I knew what I'd have to do. I told my fuck to get out of my face, he looked confused but it didn't take him long to get the message.

I wish I could take back the last few days, weeks, start over with him again, and put things right between us. I do really love him, I do but it's everything else that goes with us, shit seems to follow us and other people will never let us be happy together. He knows me better than anyone, he will know how desperately unhappy I am without him, what if he really means what he said? Doesn't he realize no matter what happens there will always be…..us.

He can't have gone far, we need to clear the air properly, and I know he'd already given me a chance but I blew it, I shut down because I'd had enough of feeling like this, feeling hurt. He forgets all this is new to me, all these feelings.

I caught up with him and put my hand on his shoulder, he turned around to face me, I could tell he was glad I was here, I was glad I was here. We have so much to talk about, I just hope that we can sort things out once and for all.

_**1 or 2 chapters to go thank you to all of you who have left reviews. xxxxxxxxx :)**_

_**had some criticism about the way i centre my writing so could you all let me know if anyone else has trouble reading this way. xxxx**_


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter sixteen**

**hey guys hope this lay out is better, let me know :)**

Stephen turned around to see Brendan stood before him and although he was angry with him Stephen never could stay that way with him for very long. He suddenly became very nervous being that close to Brendan, he never could resist him.

"What do you want Brendan?"

Stephen couldn't help but feel disappointed in him.

"Haven't you made your choice?"

"Stephen I'm sorry, I want you, I do, please"

"What about that bloke from the club? Why would you even think about doing that to me?"

"To forget you, but I can't do it, I don't want to and I know that now"

"You always say that though Brendan but nothing changes and then you leave me, you always leave me"

"I won't leave you again, I promise"

Brendan moved closer to Stephen, so close that they were almost touching, Stephen started shaking, biting his lip nervously. Brendan pushed right up against him their bodies now touching. Stephen tried so hard not to give in, not to be so available to him but Brendan was very persuasive. He could feel his cock against his thigh, he couldn't fight him anymore or all the things he made him feel and as soon as he kissed him, as soon as his soft, wet lips touched his, Stephen melted; he was putty in his hands once again.

Brendan kissed him with a burning desire, passion had taken over. He pulled Stephen into the ally way, he couldn't wait till they got home; he had to take him now. Luckily for them there was no one else around; I don't even think they would care if there was. Brendan pushed Stephen up against the wall, their eyes filled with lust and excitement; they were so hungry for each other. It hadn't been that long ago that they were together this way but it was long enough for them.

He kissed Stephen again, hard and forceful, both of their cocks solid and ready to be pleasured. Brendan unzipped Stephen's jeans and pulled them down along with his boxers, stopping for a minute to admire his beautiful cock that was now very pleased to see him. He touched him, felt how hard he was, god how he adored this boy.

There was something so special about Stephen, unique, he was the only one who could make Brendan do absolutely anything he wanted him to do. Stephen was the one who held all the cards, he just doesn't realize it.

"Stephen I want you now, turn around"

Although Brendan wanted to devour every last bit of flesh he couldn't, they were outside after all, and besides he couldn't wait anymore. He needed him now, needed his fix, and needed his boy. Stephen did as he was told and turned around, he separated his legs without even being asked, this made Brendan smile to himself.

"That a boy"

Brendan pulled down his own trousers and boxers; he was so excited his cock was throbbing and pre -cum had already shown itself, he used this for lube. Stephen was absolutely desperate for him, he spread his legs even wider, moaning as Brendan was rubbing him, he had one of his hands leaning against the wall, and he was ready for his man.

Brendan wasn't gentle, lust had completely taken over now and fucking him hard was all he had in mind, which was exactly what Stephen wanted anyway. It was almost like they knew what each other was thinking, without even speaking. They were connected, joined as one, in mind and body.

Brendan thrusted into Stephen hard and fast, he played with Stephen's cock at the same time, he really couldn't get enough of him. Stephen had never felt so wanted, so adored with anyone else the way he did with Brendan, they truly were made for each other. Brendan thought the feeling of fucking him was like nothing else, he could only describe it as heaven.

It didn't take long for them to cum, it was so hard for stephen to be quite he was usually verbal and very loud, so loud that sometimes it even made Brendan blush, but being outside he had no choice he had to be quite. Brendan turned Stephen around to face him and kissed him softly. They didn't want to move they wanted to stay like this together for a bit longer, but if someone saw them they'd probably end up getting arrested, so they decided to sort themselves out and start walking home.

"Stay with me tonight stephen? I want ye with me"

Brendan wanted Stephen with him all the time but he wouldn't tell him that, not yet anyway.

"I'd really like that bren" Stephen replied.

They walked back to the flat, Brendan put his arm around Stephen, pulling him close, and he felt so happy.

All was right with his world.

**please review lovely people :) xxxxx**


	17. Chapter 17

**Final chapter guy's thank you to everyone who reviewed it means a lot.**

**Chapter seventeen**

**Ste's point of view**

God that man, he really knows how to make me happy and when we are together everything is perfect. I should have given up on him months ago but I'm glad I didn't, he is the one for me and I've never been more sure of that than I am right now. I know we are always up and down with each other but that's just the way we are, we will probably always be this way but I don't care as long as we are together.

I felt safe walking back to his flat, his arms wrapped around me, holding me securely. He held me like he never wanted to let go of me, but then if I'm honest I didn't want him to. We got back home and it didn't take long for Brendan to be all over me again, and he says i'm horny, mind you I'm not complaining. We just about made it back to the bedroom but I didn't mind, I could never not want him, I could never get bored of him. We are so much more alike than I thought especially in the bedroom.

I don't think I could ever be with anyone else, he is all I want. How can sex with the same person be so different every time? I used to wonder if he was this way with all of his lovers but I know now that it's just with me, that it's just us, the way we are. He's been in my life a while now and I can't imagine it without him and just when I think we couldn't get any closer, we do. I am so in love with him. We lay together after another amazing session; it just keeps getting better with us. He pulls me close to him and I lay on his chest, I can feel his heartbeat. I don't ever want to spend another night without him.

**Brendan's point of view**

To think about how I nearly lost him again makes me feel sick; I very nearly slept with someone else and knowing Stephen the way I do he wouldn't have forgiven me and I wouldn't have him back now. I was stupid to think that I could just be without him again. When we got back to my flat the urge to touch him again took over and I was all over him, it was hard to control myself with him, he always looks so fucking beautiful. I honestly don't know how I thought I'd be better off without him, what was I thinking?

If he ever left my life for good I really think I would be better off dead, I'm just no good without him. I've realized now that all the other stuff doesn't matter. It's not going to be perfect all the time, we are going to fight sometimes it's just how it is, but we always make up, we always come back to each other, we have proved that time and time again. I don't want us to be apart anymore, I want to be with him all the time.

Before we broke up we were pretty much inseparable, I want that again, I want it all back the way it was, I should have never of walked away in the first place. I know how I feel about him, I've always known, I know how in love with him I am, so why do I keep testing it and pushing him away. I have to commit to him more, regardless of how scared I am, if I don't we will never move forward. I'm ready for this now; I want to prove to him how much he means to me.

**Not this time**

"Stephen, are you awake?"

Brendan said, as he felt Stephen's breath on his chest.

"Yeah I'm still awake Bren"

"I've been thinking about us living together Stephen, what do you think? Do you wanna?"

Stephen sat up and looked lovingly at Brendan.

"I don't think Amy would approve if we lived at mine and there isn't much room at yours. Although I would really love to live with you, you know that don't you Bren?"

He didn't want Brendan thinking that he didn't like the idea because he did; he loved the thought of living with him.

"I've been thinking about that too Stephen, I think we should get our own place"

"What really Bren, do you mean it?"

Stephen was shocked hearing Brendan say that he wanted to live with him when part of the reason why they split up was because of Brendan getting cold feet and not wanting to commit.

"Are you really being serious Bren?"

"I've never been more serious about anything in my life Stephen. It took me nearly losing you for me to realize how much I want you. If you hadn't stopped me sleeping with that bloke I would have lost you forever."

"You could never lose me forever Bren, I've tried to move on, I've tried to let you go but I can't, and no matter what people think of us I know we can be together properly, we can make it work. You are all I think about."

"I want this more than anything stephen. When I wake up every morning I want to see you lying next to me. I love ye stephen."

Brendan meant every single word, he'd seen a life without Stephen and it wasn't a life at all. From that moment on he knew he wasn't ever gonna let him go,

Not this time.

**_the end :)_**

**_please review :) xxxxxxxxxx _**


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